


put out the glitter, that your soul hides behind

by PeriodicallyBleeding



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: FEEL FREE TO DROPKICK ME INTO THE SUN AFTER THIS, M/M, Sad, Suicide, Suicide Notes, i fucking hate myself im sorry haha oop, im awful at triggers just be careful reading this its vv sad, please read these tags ok before u read, so much sad im sorry, this is like vv triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 11:06:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4562259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeriodicallyBleeding/pseuds/PeriodicallyBleeding
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>idk this is sad as fuck bc i'm trash punch me</p><p>-lowercase intended-</p>
            </blockquote>





	put out the glitter, that your soul hides behind

**Author's Note:**

> *WARNING*
> 
> Please read the tags first before you read this, stay safe guys ~

 

josh wasn’t sure what tyler seen in him.

 

tyler was infatuated with him, all big smiles and soft hellos coinciding with the sweet tone of his voice. he looked at josh as if god had chosen him specifically to sculpt and model, his own project. he looked at josh as though his eyes held the answer, to what though, tyler wasn’t quite sure. he looked at josh with such need and want that even when they were tangled in each others arms, a flurry of broken moans and curses silenced by calloused hands, he still wanted more.

 

“i don’t deserve you, i’m _broken_ , you need someone strong.” josh explained, his voice hoarse and fingers shaking.

 

“you aren’t broken.” was all tyler replied, tightening his arms around his boyfriend, slowly hushing them both to sleep.

  
  


josh didn’t deserve tyler, he knew he didn’t. tyler begged to differ, constantly reminding him on his dark days - _the days he would curl into himself and weep, fucking weep for himself, trapped in some sort of hurricane of self pity that he couldn’t quite get himself out of_ \- that he was worth it, that he was beautiful, that he loved him. what josh didn’t know, though, was that tyler was hiding his own secrets. the man that had such love and happiness in his heart for josh and the world in general, was in fact, the most broken out of the two. it started when tyler was explaining the concept of the ski masks to him:

 

 

josh felt a ripple of worry flow through his blood when tyler explained _‘they represent that sometimes, we hide behind masks, who we are inside isn’t what we show on the outside.”_

        

 

 

the way tyler spoke that sentence with such passion, such a _visceral tone of experience_ , really worried josh.

 

 

the second thing that josh noticed, was one night on the tourbus. the night was falling over the city and the faint light emanating from the moon was enough for josh to just about make out tyler’s face.

 

 

“are you....are you crying?” josh whispered, unable to move from either shock or sadness, he didn’t quite know.

 

tyler turned over on the bed, making sure to keep quiet for the rest of the night.

 

there were many more times josh noticed things he didn’t want to for fear of his own sanity, he couldn’t stand to see tyler like this, he didn’t want someone he loved going through so much pain, the reason for the pain being something he wouldn’t even tell josh about.

 

“how do you think i feel when i see _you_  cry?” tyler droned, his eyes blank as he brought his knees up to his chest and blew out a shaky breath into the cold air. josh didn’t know how to respond, he felt guilt bubble up inside him, he’d gotten angry, had an outburst and because he’s a stupid asshole decided to shout at tyler, shout at him for being sad, who the fuck shouts at someone for being sad?

 

“i don’t wanna see you do this to yourself, it hurts me.” josh remembers himself screaming, the stars that tyler used to see in his eyes manifesting in the form of tears, spilling down his cheeks.

 

“i’m sorry.” was all tyler replied.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

“i’m sorry.” josh turned his head to look at tyler, tyler simply nodded, keeping his gaze in front of him as the cold air changed his breath into white clouds of fog. a silence befell the two, as they leaned against their tourbus, knees brought up to their chest, their minds were working at a 100 miles per hour. it may have been silent, but inside their heads it was a fucking orchestra of ‘he’s gonna leave you’s and ‘tell him you’re really sorry’s.

 

 _“i love you.”_ tyler broke the silence, his voice still barely a hush, gaze still kept firm in front of him. josh looked over at him, scooting closer and snaking his hand with tyler’s, his eyes looking to see what tyler found so interesting out in the scenic landscape of the snowy city.

 

_“i love you too.”_

  


things got moderately better, neither josh or tyler really knew how, but it just _did._

 

 

 _“trust me, i’m okay.”_ tyler reassured josh for what seemed like the hundredth time that night, josh smiled, planting a soft kiss to his lips.

 

 

things got better, but at the same time they didn’t, because _tyler was fucking lying._

 

josh was soon to find this out when he walked into the tourbus to find tyler, no, what used to be tyler, strung up on the ceiling fan. josh fell to his knees, he felt his air leave his lungs and his fucking bones ignite something similiar to as if they had just been hit with a hammer. he started gagging, squeezing his eyes shut, not daring to look up at his boyfriend who was now no longer here. he had to though, he had to look, he had to make sure this was real. it’s like when people say you shouldn’t look at car crashes, _well this was a fucking car crash_ , the car crash of tyler’s sanity, his logical thinking, his love and laughs and _‘i love you’s._ josh managed to stagger to his feet, stumbling slightly and sending the stuff on the countertop crashing to the floor, he walked over to where tyler’s body hung and untied it, gagging once again as tyler’s limp body lay in his arms and he realised this was real. that’s when the screaming began, full, loud, fucking gut wrenching screaming as he fell to the floor, face buried in tyler’s chest as he shook him, willing him to come back to him, to not fucking dare leave him here on his own.

 

it was a few months later - _a few drunken months of 'please come back, please, i need you, i love you, i fucking need you tyler!"_ \- that he finally worked up the courage to go back into the tourbus.

 

 

 

that was when he found the note:

 

 

**“You were right, you didn’t deserve me, you deserved so much more.”**

  
  


  



End file.
